when i was in kindergarten i had this babysitter who cooked the best steak i’d ever had and i’d always ask what it was and she said “people” every time and i’d laugh and ask what it really was and she’d just reply “people” and i found out in first grade that she got arrested and was sentenced to 50 years-life in prison

and that’s the story about how my babysitter was basically hannibal lecter and i was will graham for a whole year

(Source: jumpingjaverts, via devilwithangeleyes)


i wanna get super rich so i can do cool stuff like tip waiters $1000 or pay off people’s student loans for fun

(via devilwithangeleyes)





y’all think having a period sucks but try having to fix your penis discreetly through your pocket 

having the insides of your organs shed and come out through your genitals does not compare to having displaced balls sorry

none of you can do it discreetly anyways

we see you

(via devilwithangeleyes)


me too, kid


me too, kid

(via death-by-lulz)

(via the-personal-quotes)

(via discolor3d)

(Source: unreturnedfeelings, via discolor3d)

(Source: condescendist, via death-by-lulz)

(via discolor3d)

(Source: discolor3d, via discolor3d)